new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
