Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
