I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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