4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
