I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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