Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
birth control should be required to get into college
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
