Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
