So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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