the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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