So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize