i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
