she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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