I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
