Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
