i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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