you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
