My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
