keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
