went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
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That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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