Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
