yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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