Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
