You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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