The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
