I'm gonna have a badass scar
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
