That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
