I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
