The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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