Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
