saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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