It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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