Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
