White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
