It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
