So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
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I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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