I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
