I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
