she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
