My liver just broke up with me...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Your cock deserves a montage
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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