Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
operation harelip BJ is a go
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
