She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
