hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
it hurts more in the daytime
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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