It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
