Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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