I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You pole danced in your parka.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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