i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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