Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
