Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
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