is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
