can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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