So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
