Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
