This girl is more easily done than said...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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