Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
