I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
