i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
