Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
