just survived the first fart of the relationship.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
