What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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