Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
