On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
