there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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