I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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