So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
