now i know why i became what i already was.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
