let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
