I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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