We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
