I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
