No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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