It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
