You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
