i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
